...

I realize that I have so many faults within me and many chronic problems that have yet to be fixed. This year..or it might as well be last year now...I fixed many things but now I realize that some of these issues run much deeper than I expected and the quick fixes that I applied need to be re-evaluated...

I don't read the Bible as often as I'd like. I fail to wake up for morning prayer most days. I don't have as much self control as I realize. I'm still tempted. I'm still subject to jealousy, envy, selfish thoughts. I don't love enough..and neither am I compassionate. In short, I'm still fall miserably short spiritually.

I guess tonight God gave me a conviction. One of the biggest things I've been struggling with...I've been so divided on the issue and all I had to do was turn to God to find the answer and it turned out that the answer was the one I didn't want - "No, at least not now."

I think God wants me to refocus on him again...circumstances may change but that shouldn't change the way I see God but I need to adapt as well. Just because I'm in a different lifegroup, different lcg, different environment, and different grade doesn't mean that I can expect the same methods or ideas to work. Different challenges, different circumstances, different everything. But I guess that's all God teaching me to get past that that narrow first person point of view I have on everything.

I need...to take a step back. A step back from my own perspective and see it from God's perspective. I need to trust that what God wants is better than whatever logic I copy and paste together.

you know..it's for you God. Stop thinking about "I" but You. You are the one who guides me. You are the one who carries me and you are my protector even in my most desperate times.

God, you've never given up on me and now I know that you still haven't. God I pray that you may provide me the strength to meet this challenge.