Last week was such a humbling experience.

It was hard for me too. I don't know why, but I was struggling with a lot of internal sin that I hadn't had to think about in a long time... and they were all mostly rooted in pride. Things like envy and self-righteousness and judgmental thoughts were consistently coming back throughout last week that towards the end, I was starting to feel a lot of bitterness and apathy. Ugh. I was such a butt to a lot of my closer friends (and also family, since they were also around) and it was pretty awful overall. As you may guess, I had a hard time loving people.

I know that these are all good things because I've been praying for a while to be humbled because I was losing sight of why I needed God, at least at the behavioral level. So on Friday when I was feeling really crummy about all the ways I was sinning against Him, I was telling myself the gospel over and over again while I was at work. After the weekend with some actual time of prayer, things started to look better as I was really focusing a lot on grace and not my own performance.

Yesterday was sort of the hump, I feel. After our the shindig with my class, I stayed around Angell do work on my paper. About a page through, my mind was reeling (my paper was trying to explain the purpose of literature and why it is important.. kinda heavy existential stuff that I still don't really understand... and in Spanish, mind you) and I went on a walk to clear my head. It's funny, because the walk that was supposed to free me from thinking deeply ended up in a 2ish hour conversation with an acquaintance I ran into at the Fishbowl. We went from why I believed in God to why absolute Truth exists/why we should care to why she should care if she doesn't feel the need to believe in God. Man. My brain was so fried.

But it was a really awesome conversation, and wow, I was thinking it was as if God has been just handing me these opportunities to share my testimony as well as the Gospel. Srsly, after a week like last week, this has to be proof that it's not because of me. God's conspiring, you guys.

She seemed mildly interested in attending our Easter service, but said she would love to be in a lifegroup during the summer when she was not as busy. There are so many people I have to pray for =_= (forgive me, this is my flesh talking) but at the same time, it's really... wow. I can't believe this is all happening. God is seriously answering my prayers about being able to love people, because He's challenging my love, inclining me toward depending fully on His, while at the same time providing me so many opportunities to share earnestly. Something similar happened last week too, when I was with my friend from HS on our way to pick up my sister. Wow.

And now I have to finish my paper because I definitely couldn't do anything after I got back from that conversation. Honestly, I'm feeling a little dazed, but it's so obvious that there's something so big at work here.
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