Hey guys,

I'm very physically tired at the moment. I've been running hard the past few days, and in terms of busy-ness the next month pretty much blows any other month I've had in my life out of the water.

This past week, I've just been seeing how inadequate and weak I am. And how much of what I do and I'm a part of is not in my control. I can't be good enough and have a pure enough to serve God. And all the more God's grace has been greater in my life.

I've been learning that it's good to trust in God's faithfulness. His compassions are new every morning (Lam. 3). When I don't have the strength to work for Him and run after Him, He pursues me. Christ died for me. There's nothing more I need.

As I was having a conversation with one of my pre-Christian friends, he described Christians as being "obsessed with being right/good," and "putting yourself through self-torture" because you're not perfect. It was a rather intense conversation, but it was so good. For me, it just seemed God was boiling it down to the basics. I suck, but I will not hide from it, because Jesus died to give us freedom from guilt and sin and shame - freedom to love Him.

God's grace is moving and working in ways I don't know how. That in spite of my dependence on my wisdom, God will choose to bring that friend even half a step closer to knowing Him, that He's working in various ministries.

Yeah. So I'm tired. And all the same, just as screwed up as last week, but it's okay, because Jesus paid the price. I want to love God and desire Him. "Whom have I in heaven but You?" (Psalm 73:25).

P.S. Psalm 73 is awesome. Especially for me. Because there's a verse that says "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me." I feel like that's the story of my life... :P
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