God,
I've failed in so many ways. I've flaked out so many times. I've broken promises. I've called out your name in vain. I've been unfaithful, lustful. I've been dishonest and I've been manipulative. I've allowed the seeds of distrust to grow in me. I've been selfish and mean. I've disregarded you and forgotten you so many times. I've grown to trust in myself and believe that my own wisdom is greater than yours...but it isn't.
I have no idea where my life is going. I want to be faithful to you yet my mind tells me otherwise. I have this worldly idea and this vague goal in mind. I want to trust you and I want to take that step of faith..but I can't. I feel bound by the world. I find moments where I think "I've found it! I see the light! Tomorrow I'll be a better person," but when the moment of truth comes, I fail spectacularly.
I take a look into my heart and I'm overwhelmed by the sheer darkness that resides in it. I find bitterness. I tell myself that I am a forgiving person but truly, I'm not.
I see all these things and I want to give up in frustration. I've been so conflicted by my desires for this world and my desire for you. I want to succeed and moreover, find stability in life. I want to enjoy the comforts in life. I want to be financially sound. I know that achieving these things in life doesn't necessarily correlate to happiness or contentment but I can't help myself..
I want to be compassionate. I want to be selfless. I want to love. I want to empathize. I want to be everything You are. I want to be after your heart, God...but I know I'm still chained to this world.
I feel like I want to cry in frustration. I feel so overwhelmed by all these imperfections I see; Oh God, what have I become?
... Yet you've given me a feeling of peace in my heart.
...
God,
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